ArcaMax

Congratulations! You made it through "Dry January." It was a struggle, but you did it.

Then came "Freedom from Fidgeting February" and "No Mayhem March" and "Avoid Anxiety April." Again, not easy, but well worth the effort. And now comes the most difficult month of all.

"Make No Complaints May"

Considering the many miseries of your job, it will be difficult to stifle the urge to complain for 31 days. Yet, stifle you must.

As Fast Company writer Jessica Hullinger tells us in "What It's Like To Go Without Complaining For A Month," complaining causes our brains to "release stress hormones that harm neural connections in areas used for problem solving and other cognitive functions."

Damage to neural connections also happens when we listen to others' complaints. It's an effect that science author Jon Gordon describes as being "as bad as secondhand smoke. It's secondhand complaining." (Fortunately, the complaints of your co-workers don't affect you, since you rarely bother to listen to other people, unless they're talking about how wonderful you are.)

Unfortunately, not complaining isn't easy. It's also not natural. In evolutionary terms, our survival can depend on noticing threats in our environment, like that saber-toothed tiger sitting around the corner waiting to pounce or that VP bean counter from accounting sitting in the conference room. Waiting to pounce? You bet!

Ready to put the kibosh on complaining in May? Fast Company has six quick fixes that could work for you. And if they don't, don't complain to me. I've got problems of my own.

No. 1: Start by defining what a complaint is.

Not all negative comments qualify as complaints. For example, "My boss is an idiot" is not technically a complaint. It's an observation -- an observation you definitely don't want to share. "My boss is an idiot and every time I hear their stupid voice, I want to blow chunks" is a complaint. Adding how the observation affects you transforms the observation into a complaint, and you can feel perfectly free to share it with everyone in the office.

No. 2: Track how often you complain and what about.

Complaining becomes second nature if you live long enough, as any terrible 2-year-old will tell you. As an adult, keeping track of your CPM (complaints per minute) could be eye-opening. "You're absolutely shocked," predicts author Trevor Blake. "After two or three hours of counting, it's in the hundreds."

If you're too busy complaining to count your complaints, keep track of the subjects you most frequently complain about. Popular targets are politics, traffic, weather, the economy and the Kardashians. Choose any subject and have at it, but lighten up on the Kardashians. They will crush you.

No. 3: Separate yourself from chronic complainers.

If you can find people in your office who complain more than you do, stay away from them. If you must deal with a Negative Norbert or an Unconstructive Uma, become a Positive Paul or Constructive Connie. It won't be easy to reply to a complaint like "this company is going bankrupt and we'll all be fired" with "and won't it be nice to have more time to practice our ukuleles?" but it's worth the effort, especially when the unemployment office throws a luau.

No. 4: Turn complaints into solutions.

If you have to make a complaint, make it a "positive complaint." This requires using the negative to generate a solution. For example, "The new marketing campaign stinks. They should fire the entire department." (You may want to revise this complaint if you work in marketing.)

No. 5: Use the "But Positive" technique.

The trick here is to add a "but" and say something positive. For example, "The company is being prosecuted for fraud and we're all going to jail, but the Stop & Shop has Tofutti on sale."

Bet you feel better already.

No. 6: Change "Have to" to "Get to".

Instead of saying "I have to meet with that obnoxious senior VP who hates my guts," you say, "I get to meet with that obnoxious Senior VP who hates my guts." By the same formula, you "get to" work late, come into the office over the weekend, take a pay cut, take the boss's laundry to the dry cleaner, pay for lunch and move to the office in Burkina Faso.

Frankly, with all you "get" to do, your co-workers will definitely be jealous. They may even start complaining about you, but don't respond. You'll need your energy for "No Jokes About IT June."

========

Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at bob@bgplanning.com. To find out more about Bob Goldman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Copyright 2025 Creators Syndicate, Inc.