A certain type of headline has become commonplace on the internet: the I-tried-it-so-you-don’t-have-to model.

I ate this new 2,000-calorie fast food burger so you don’t have to.

I rode this new insanely terrifying roller coaster so you don’t have to.

Well, I watched Apple TV’s new limited-series take on “Cape Fear” so you don’t have to.

And you really shouldn’t.

Understandably, you may be tempted, as the show boasts noteworthy stars in Amy Adams, Patrick Wilson and Javier Bardem and counts among its executive producers acclaimed directors Steven Spielberg and Martin Scorsese.

The latter, of course, directed the film that serves as the primary source of inspiration for this new “Cape Fear” — the generally well-received 1991 film version, produced by Spielberg. That “Cape Fear” is a remake of the 1962 film of the same name and, like all the incarnations of the horror-tinged psychological thriller, an adaptation of the 1957 John D. MacDonald novel “The Executioners.”

In the 1991 film, Robert De Niro portrayed the psychotic Max Cady, earning an Academy Award nomination for his memorable take on the revenge-obsessed character. Now we get Bardem’s likewise tattooed iteration of the dangerous man with a similar focus, and his work is the series’ strongest asset — even if his Cady is far less interesting than Anton Chigurh, the criminally deranged individual he so hypnotically embodied with his Oscar-winning work in 2007’s “No Country for Old Men.”

The new “Cape Fear” starts strongly enough, its first hour, “Fingers & Toes” — debuting this week along with the far less successful second installment, “Why Would I Want to Hurt You?” — penned by showrunner Nick Antosca (“Channel Zero,” “The Act”) and helmed by Morten Tyldum (“The Imitation Game,” “Passengers”). It sets the table nicely, with the dread that will permeate the series beginning to seep into the walls of the Savannah, Georgia, home of the Bowdens — successful attorneys Anna (Amy Adams) and Tom (Patrick Wilson) and their teenage kids Zack (Joe Anders) and Natalie (Lily Collias).

“Do you ever look around and wonder, ‘Do we deserve all this?’” Anna asks as she embraces her husband outside the house as the pair is hosting a barbecue.

“No,” Tom replies and kisses her.

Max may beg to differ.

After all, Anna served as his defense attorney 17 years ago and later married the man prosecuting his murder case — Tom — after sitting opposite him in the courtroom. Furthermore, Max is out of prison after being cleared of the killing — without the help of Anna, who, for the last several years, has spent her time and energy working on exonerating the wrongly accused.

If he wants, Max has multiple avenues to attack the Bowdens, thanks to the micro-dosing, potentially unfaithful ex-Marine Tom, a 17-year-sober Anna, emotionally troubled Zack and attention-starved Natalie.

With so many hours of television to play with, Antosca and the other writers attempt to create ambiguity surrounding the mounting troubles for the Bowdens … but come on. It’s not exactly going out on a limb to stick with the theory that Max — with the help of possible allies including Neveah (Malia Pyles), a mysterious young woman who becomes close with Zack and then Natalie — is the root of all their problems. After all, this guy is constantly in their business, appearing at a fundraiser for the efforts of Anna’s firm and later that night at their home, when a highly disturbing discovery is made at the conclusion of the debut episode.

Aside from the reasonably compelling performance by Bardem (“F1: The Movie,” “Dune: Part Two”), “Cape Fear” has too many negative aspects, from the downright silly plot developments to the cartoonish performance of the typically terrific CCH Pounder (“The Shield”) as Anna’s boss, Noa.

Speaking of Anna, Adams (“Arrival,” “Sharp Objects”) is the other true heavy-hitter in the cast, but the Academy Award nominee turns in a performance that, if not exactly flat, feels off. It’s the cherry on top of this disappointing sundae.

Worse, between the writing of the character of Zack and the performance by Anders — the son of actor Kate Winslet and director Sam Mendes and the writer of the so-so 2025 family drama “Goodbye June” — it’s difficult to become invested in the increasingly important figure. Fortunately, it’s much easier to care about Natalie, thanks largely to the work of Collias (“Good One,” “Roofman”). And then there’s Wilson, the face of Hollywood’s “The Conjuring” and “Insidious” franchises, who fails to move the needle either way as the bland-ish Tom.

I do appreciate the series' obvious nod to the 1991 movie. It’s considered a spoiler, so I can’t reveal it, but it’s similar to an homage to the 1962 film in Scorsese’s version.

Apple made only the first eight episodes available for advanced viewing, so who knows? Perhaps, with the series poised to finally move the action to the titular Cape Fear River, all of this will come together into some gloriously macabre symphony in its final two hours.

Well, I think I know.

A common refrain you’ll hear from reviewers of a streaming series is that it should have been a movie, that it lacks a narrative strong enough to sustain several episodes. That idea perhaps has never been more apparent than with “Cape Fear,” as it has already worked — twice — on the big screen but falls extraordinarily flat as an extended experience designed for the living room.

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'CAPE FEAR'

1.5 stars (out of 4)

Rating: TV-MA

How to watch: On Apple TV June 5

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