ArcaMax

I recently moved, and in case you didn't know, moving is No. 3 in the top five most stressful things in your life. No. 2 is divorce, and No. 1 is death of a loved one. Having just moved, I can tell you with certainty that No. 3 can often be the cause of No. 2 and No. 1.

Of course, this might sound silly, especially considering all that's ...Read more

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said.

"Like what?" the punk replied.

"I will bet a week's ...Read more

Texas has so many inmates on its Death Row, they finally had to start executing them two at a time.

On this day, a cowboy and a biker are brought to receive their sentence.

The warden asks the cowboy if he has a Final Request.

"Yew betcha, Warden," the cowboy replies. "I'd be mighty grateful if you'd play 'Achy Break Heart' fer me one last ...Read more

Little Joe walked into his dad's study while his dad was working on the computer.

"Dad," said Joe, "Remember when you told me you'd give me twenty dollars if I passed my math test?"

Dad nodded.

"Well, the good news is that I just saved you twenty bucks."

- Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

- Never quit until you have another job.

- Work harder slaves!

- The beatings will continue until morale improves.

- If you can read this, you're not working!

- Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!

- Go the extra mile - It makes your boss look like an incompetent...Read more

A patient complained to his doctor, "I've been to three other doctors and none of them agreed with your diagnosis."

The doctor calmly replied, "Just wait until the autopsy, then they'll see that I was right."

A young ventriloquist is touring through the southern United States and stops to entertain at a small bar in Texas. He's going through his usual stupid Redneck jokes, when a big burly guy in the audience stands up and says, "I've heard just about enough of your smarty pants hillbilly jokes. We ain't all stupid here in the South."

Flustered, the...Read more

Last year, I upgraded my GirlFriend 5.0 to GirlFriend 5.1, which installs itself as Fiancee 1.0. Recently, I upgraded Fiancee 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and it's a real memory hog. It has taken up all my space, and Wife 1.0 must be running before I can do ANYTHING.

It is also spawning Child Processes that are further consuming system resources. Some ...Read more

A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing tricks on him.

The dog looked up and said, "Don't be surprised. This is just part of my job."

"Incredible!" exclaimed the man. "I can't believe ...Read more