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DEAR ABBY: A former boyfriend, "Ray," is an alcoholic. He has been through rehab twice, but it didn't do any good. He won't stop. He keeps saying we'll work it out.

I don't understand why Ray can't get it through his head that I no longer want to be with him. I gave him two chances. Nobody else wants to help him either, including his family.

Ray can be controlling. He still contacts me and tells me what I need to do, just like when we were together. I don't need that kind of person in my life. I hope and pray God will send me the right person one day. Any advice you can offer? -- BREAKING AWAY IN ALABAMA

DEAR BREAKING AWAY: Block Ray's number, and do not respond to any more messages from him. If he has a key to your place, change the locks. The next time Ray contacts you (hopefully sober), tell him there is nothing more to work out. You no longer want any contact with him, and if his stalking doesn't stop, you will report him to the authorities and get a restraining order. (Then, if it becomes necessary, do it.)

DEAR ABBY: My sister "Fiora" lives with her daughter and family several states away from me and her other siblings. She is insisting we plan a party for her 80th birthday. Fiora wants it to be a destination party in an expensive resort area nowhere near where any of us live.

None of us is wealthy, but some of us have been good money managers and are comfortable in retirement. Fiora, on the other hand, has spent every last dime and has health issues, so she must live with her daughter. We have told her we feel if she wants this extravagant party, she should talk to her children, not to us. Is this unreasonable of us or of her? -- PARTIED OUT IN MISSOURI

DEAR PARTIED OUT: Putting the rules of etiquette aside, Sister Fiora should not be demanding that her siblings foot the bill for a birthday extravaganza she can't afford. Tell her (as one) that you will be happy to split the bill for a more modest celebration or send her a check. The choice is hers, and the amount is something all the sibs can decide upon. Her adult children might also want to chip in as well.

DEAR ABBY: Has anyone ever asked women on the receiving end of men's use of Viagra or other such medications how they feel about having to plan or schedule their so-called "lovemaking"? I feel it would make it just plain old sex rather than an emotional, loving act. To me, it would be better to have no sex at all than to have to plan for it. Also, how satisfying is it really to women? -- PHYLLIS IN INDIANA

DEAR PHYLLIS: As I am sure you know, there is more to making love than popping a pill. The act and the desire for it should be mutual rather than a performance. Making love with someone a person cares about and is attracted to can be satisfying, but I think the answer to your question depends upon which participant you ask.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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