Husband Loses Focus After Retirement
DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband retired last year, and ever since, he has done virtually nothing. He watches YouTube all day long, eats snacks, sits, smokes weed, drinks and complains. He was already becoming somewhat of a curmudgeon in recent years, but now he has gone off the deep end. It's making me crazy. When I say anything to him, it sparks an argument. I can't bear to see him like this, and I don't want to live like this. What can I do? -- Retired
DEAR RETIRED: Your husband needs something to do. Did he have any hobbies in the past? What activities interest him? Does he have any friends who might be able to coax him to go out and do something together? Can you plan a date outside of your house with just him or another couple? You might suggest he find a part-time job or start volunteering at an organization he cares about.
If you can get him to do one thing that he enjoys, that may inspire him to do another. Ideally, it would be good for him to go to counseling. If you can convince him of that, awesome. If not, engage loved ones to help you draw him away from the TV and the indulgences and back into life.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am moving in with four of my friends from college this summer. We have been on several vacations together and lived in the same building for three years. I would like to prevent conflict as much as possible and keep the lines of communication open. I have never lived with friends before, so I'm hoping this will be a positive experience. I value our relationships dearly, and I want to ensure our friendships makes it past the lease. I'm not trying to create undue worry and I don't want to come off as domineering; however, I think we should set specific boundaries and ground rules before we sign the lease. How do I foster this type of conversation without seeming like I'm doubting our friendships? I'm considering recommending a weekly cleaning schedule and monthly house bonding. -- Moving
DEAR MOVING: It is wise to talk to your friends and establish rules and rhythms before you move in together. Yes, tell them that your biggest hope is that you stay close now and forever. Point out that many friends face challenges when living together. Based on your research, you have some recommendations. Name them, including following a housekeeping plan with shared duties, general cleanliness, policies about guests and overnight guests, and anything else you can think to address.
Advice I was given that can work is to establish a weekly house meeting where you talk about whatever has come up or is on the horizon. If you have a forum to talk about the good and the bad, it makes it easier for you to talk and not allow emotions to bottle up. Agree to make the effort to speak directly to each other when you have issues rather than talking about each other behind your back.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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