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Dear Annie: My daughter-in-law and I have never had a good relationship, but we tolerate each other because of my son.

I have tried to be a good mother-in-law. I never visit unannounced. When my DIL had surgery for breast cancer, I took her to her appointments, and I was even the one to go with her when she rang the bell at the end of her treatment.

Approximately a year ago, we attended a party. I rode to the affair with my youngest son. When it was time to leave, my other son said, "Come on, let's go!" When I went to get in the car, my DIL said there was no room. There would have been three people in the backseat. I told my son, "Your wife said there's no room!" My son told me to get in the car anyway, so I did. On the way home, no one said a word, and it was obvious that my DIL was angry.

Since that time, we have seen each other at family functions, and we are cordial but distant. I feel that my DIL was disrespectful of my feelings by not wanting to give me a ride that night. I think she owes me an apology. I feel bad for my son. I have expressed my feelings to him, to which he said he understood.

In my opinion, my DIL is selfish, and over the years, she hasn't done anything for anyone unless there is a benefit for her. Should I ask her for an apology or just continue being cordial but superficial? -- Kind but Still Hurt

Dear Kind: It sounds like you've been a steady source of support for your DIL over the years, especially when it came to her health troubles. I'm sure she and your son appreciate that, even if they don't tell you very often.

This car ride incident has clearly stuck with you, but you need to ask yourself: Is this the hill you want to die on? There's a good chance her reaction that night had more to do with something on her end than anything with you. Bringing it up a year after the fact, especially to ask for an apology, would likely only strain your relationship further. You've also already expressed your feelings to your son, and his response made one thing clear: He hears you, but he's standing by his wife.

Keeping things polite and surface-level may not be what you hoped for, but it's likely the best way to preserve the peace -- and your connection with your son.

Dear Annie: It might be worthwhile for "Help Me," whose husband has become increasingly controlling and preoccupied with her whereabouts, to have him assessed for dementia or another medical disorder.

Dementia can sometimes present in such a fashion, with increasing hostility, suspicion and misplaced blame often toward a spouse. It's not uncommon for the person affected to accuse their mate for losing or misplacing items, making mistakes, causing confusion or forgetting things as a result of their disease.

Dementia (there are several types), a host of other medical conditions or perhaps a combination of medications could be the culprit behind this sudden change in personality and behavior. If this is the case, then it needs to be identified and addressed.

The first step is to have the family doctor do a full evaluation and refer to a specialist if needed. The spouse can schedule a private appointment with the doctor to give him a heads-up and see where it goes from there. A sudden and dramatic shift in personality or behavior, whether positive or negative, warrants a medical checkup (think brain tumors, too).

I've seen this happen with loved ones dealing with metastatic cancer, dementia and prescription medications that, though taken as prescribed, became toxic and overloaded the body, leading to these kinds of effects. I wish "Help Me" the best. -- Been There

Dear Been There: Thank you for your letter. Several other readers wrote in with similar experiences, recognizing these behaviors as potential warning signs of something more serious at play. At worst, a checkup is a waste of time. At best, it's the first step toward getting this man help he didn't know he needed.

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Annie Lane's second anthology -- "How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.