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DEAR MISS MANNERS: After two hours at a restaurant with a group of friends, everyone had eaten, the check had been settled, yet no one left. We stayed at the table for another 30 minutes, chatting away.

The restaurant was not busy and no one was waiting for a table. But I can't help but think that we lingered far too long.

Sure, a restaurant is a social gathering spot, but it's also a place of business. And since we had no further business there, I feel we should have been on our way.

For how long is it acceptable to linger at a restaurant table after the check has been paid? Is that even a question for etiquette to answer? Is there a polite way to suggest to the group that it might be time to move on?

GENTLE READER: Unlike the genii of legend, Miss Manners takes no pleasure in recognizing that what Gentle Readers have requested is not what they want. And since she also does not limit them to three wishes (or questions), she will both answer your question and solve your problem.

No: In the absence of clientele clamoring for the table or waitstaff noticing that closing time has come and gone, there is no etiquette rule requiring your friends to decamp. No doubt some restaurateur is poised to invent such a rule, but as he or she has plenty of free time due to that restaurant being empty, we can safely discount any etiquette rules from that quarter.

In fact, it would be rude to boss your friends around by telling them to leave. But that's not want you wanted anyway. You wanted to know if you could go home.

And the answer to that is yes. Wait for a pause in the conversation, say how delightful it has been to catch up, and go. After two hours, the only question your friends will ask is, "Now why didn't I think of that?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the etiquette for commenting on someone's weight? It is a close friend and neighbor who is stout, but not obese. I was chided for not noticing their weight loss, so I am asking for input.

As a rule, I avoid talking or asking about someone's weight loss or gain, lest it be taken as rude or insensitive. Saying something like, "Oh, I see you have lost weight" could imply that I thought she was overweight before, or that I am cruel and uncaring if she is dealing with illness.

GENTLE READER: This is definitely a trap, because you are right not to comment. But how to avoid being snared will depend on who did the chiding.

If it was the stout-but-not-obese neighbor, then stall while you try to find out what is going on: "I am so sorry I didn't say anything. Please tell me about it."

You can then either protest that you did not comment because she always looks so good (in the case of deliberate weight loss) or because you really just want to know how she is feeling (in the case of illness).

If a third party is prompting you to comment, then Miss Manners strongly urges you to thank them -- and do nothing of the sort.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN